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This thread is in reply to a request from Jimmy (see below), anything Political, Religious or overly offensive will be removed.


How about the equivalent of Bob’s corner for jokes and conversations of a more adult nature, a bit like a club for ladies and gents who want to tell near the knuckle jokes without offending general readers. Strict rules so no overtly sexual jokes, no effing and jeffing and no filth. So for example I could say’last week I swallowed a bottle of liquid paper by mistake instead of Viagra and walked around with a massive correction for three days’ and feel comfortable. Not rude just all in the mind-ish. Club room, Hard Kroq Cafe, Vik’s or similar.
 

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What a great idea. Bad Steve would love to join in. Looking forward to some very clean tales, wink.
 

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This thread is in reply to a request from Jimmy (see below), anything Political, Religious or overly offensive will be removed.


How about the equivalent of Bob’s corner for jokes and conversations of a more adult nature, a bit like a club for ladies and gents who want to tell near the knuckle jokes without offending general readers. Strict rules so no overtly sexual jokes, no effing and jeffing and no filth. So for example I could say’last week I swallowed a bottle of liquid paper by mistake instead of Viagra and walked around with a massive correction for three days’ and feel comfortable. Not rude just all in the mind-ish. Club room, Hard Kroq Cafe, Vik’s or similar.
Jimmy has cracked that one about the liquid paper on this forum already, so not sure we need a separate "corner", unless it was restricted to men only perhaps?
 

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Hi Ruari. I know I've told that one before, but it was just an example of the type of 'comment' to separate from the general idle chit chat. There are members on the forum who prefer to stick to technical matters, but my concept of Bob's Private Club is for people of both sexes who like to spend a few hours in a cosy real-ale pub which also offers decent spirits, no Sky TV, good live music, darts, dominoes, cribbage etc, sitting on the comfy seats swapping stories ranging from their life histories through shopping at LIDL for bargains (zzzzz) to telling smutty jokes as the moods mellow. As the content grows, the easily-offended will know to steer clear and our wonderful moderators will ensure political, religious and language corrrectness. Also, the 'club' must be all-inclusive: Mizzcheef (where is she?) and Suzz are just a couple of examples of forum members with a 'broad' mind. Some of the filthiest jokes on Facebook are sent by two of my female friends. Here is another one I posted before: those who 'like' it are exactly the peeps who will suit Bob's Private Club. What can you do if a bird s**ts on your windscreen? Don't take her out again.
 

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Thank you Jimmy - point(s) taken.
 

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There's been 59 views when I'm writing this and not a single complaint!:grin:
 

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Not sure this is acceptable but a friend told me this and he comes from India.
What do you call an Asian lesbian. Min geetah
 

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Not sure this is acceptable but a friend told me this and he comes from India.
What do you call an Asian lesbian. Min geetah
Come again? Oh, the penny just dropped. Luckily this isn’t a printed version in a ladies’ mag, or the censors would use their scissors eh sisters?
 

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Or this perhaps?
 

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Another pint Ruari?
 

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Interestingly, in a moment of idle curiosity, I happened to drift onto a copy of the forum rules, and in particular Rule 1, which states "....You agree not to use this forum to post any material which is vulgar, defamatory, inaccurate, harassing, hateful, threatening, invading of others' privacy, sexually oriented, or violates any laws. You also agree that you will not post any copyrighted material that is not owned by yourself or the owners of these forums...."

Strikes me Bob's Private Club postings can breach just about all these rules in just one posting!!

Hail Bob's Private Club :grin:
 

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Our local police arrested two youths last week, one was drinking battery acid and the other eating fireworks. They charged the first and let the other one off. :wink:
 

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In any venture there are two rules for success:

1. Don't tell everything you know
.
 

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I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid.
He says he can stop any time
.
 

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Bob's Private Club.

That sounds somewhat elitist.
 

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What it says: it's a club for Bob's privates.
 

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I'm on my phone so I've got limited access, can I post a short video. It's only nine seconds so not a lot of data.
 

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Sorry about my picture question, all information is in the help and advice section. Should have looked.
 

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Low Battery: A man saved his girlfriend's phone number on his mobile as 'Low Battery'. Whenever she calls him, in his absence, his wife takes the phone and plugs it into the charger. Give that man a medal.

Two Thai girls asked me if I'd like to go bed with them; they said it would be just like winning Lotto! I agreed, and they were right. We all stripped off, and to my horror, we had six matching balls!

Such an unfair world: When a man talks dirty to a woman it's considered sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's £2.50/min (charges may vary).

Valentine's Day: Just booked a table for Valentine's Day for me and the wife. Bound to end in tears though; she's lousy at snooker.

If you get an email telling you that you can catch swine flu from tins of ham delete it. It's spam.

They say that sex is the best form of exercise. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I don't think 2 minutes and 15 seconds every 3 months is going to shift this beer belly.

A wealthy Jewish husband and his wife were having dinner at an upscale restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open mouthed kiss, then says she'll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, "Who the **** was that?"
"Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress."
"Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce!"
"I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours."
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
"Who's that woman with George?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. “Ours is prettier," she replies.

Jonathan Ross has been accused of shoplifting a kitchen utensil from Woolies. Ross says it was a whisk he was prepared to take.

Scientists have revealed today that they have found a new drug for depressed lesbians. It's called Tryacoxagain.
 
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