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The Art Collector's Wife


A London solicitor representing a wealthy art collector called and asked to speak to his client, "Saul, I have some good news and, I have some bad news."

The art collector replied, "I've had an awful day; let's hear the good news first."

The lawyer said, "Well, I met with your wife today, and she informed me that she invested £5,000 in two pictures that she thinks will bring a minimum of £15-20 million. I think she could be right."

Saul replied enthusiastically, "Well done! My wife is a brilliant businesswoman! You've just made my day. Now I know I can handle the bad news. What is it?"

The lawyer replied . . . .

"The pictures are of you with your secretary."
 

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Three brothers go into a shop to buy their mother a present. The gift comes to £30 so they put in £10 each. The shop keeper tells his assistant to run after them as he had overcharged them by five pounds. When he caught them he gave them back three pounds and craftily pockets the other two. So now they have paid £27 and the shop assistant has £2. Where has the other pound gone?:plain:
 

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Last year’s Jack-o’-lantern was too frightening and no children knocked on Halloween, so this year I’ve toned it down with a more subtle design. Mwhaahaaahaaa.
 

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In Scotland, the Jack-o'-Lantern was a carved turnip (what we call swede) rather than a pumpkin. Must be very difficult to hollow a raw swede. I was interested to read that, in support of Halloween, on 31st October Waterstones bookshop branches in Scotland are offering to exchange a paperback in exchange for an appropriate root vegetable. Well that's a turnip for the book!
 

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A magician worked on a cruise ship.
The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was one problem. The captain 's parrot saw the show each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.
Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show. "Look, it's not the same hat!" or "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?".
The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's parrot.
Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot. They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another. Finally on the fourth day the parrot could not hold back and said.

"OK, I give up. Where's the frigging ship?".
 

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A famous explorer was very proud of his sizeable manhood, which had four prominent protrusions on its helmet. He was known as a great lover and was delighted to show off what he called his four point tool to his many lady friends. Unfortunately, on his final expedition exploring a remote jungle in Paraguay, he was killed and eaten by a wild cat. The headlines duly proclaimed 'Renowned explorer killed by a four point tool eater jaguar'.
 

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Comments following my reported comments from a manufacturer regarding EEP.
If you don't want read my comments regarding the EU, read no further


OUCH! There spake a remainer!
Ok My comment about the EU WAS mine. It echos my feelings re the EU, but of course and quite rightly, everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

The body of the article was from a manufacturer who presumably knows what they are talking about.

I fully concur that the EU has passed some excellent rulings but also some ludicrous ones and some of the comments from Brussels especially from JUNKER(!!) and Barnier and surprisingly Tusk, who previously was the gentleman of the three, are unacceptably rude. They are (IMO) making our leaving so difficult so as to deter Others, NL, Spain, Greece to name but 3 from leaving. Thinking to themselves "Jeepers, look what the Brits are going through to leave the club, perhaps we won't bother"
I voted leave because I am sick to death of unelected R soles in Brussel running our country instead of our ELECTED politicians. It turns out of course that our lot have proved themselves to be wastes of space.
I expect a telling of for these comments which is why I have put them in Bob's club. I repeat, everyone is entitled to their own opinion otherwise , what a boring world it would be, in which to live.
 

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It turns out of course that our lot have proved themselves to be wastes of space.
I expect a telling of for these comments which is why I have put them in Bob's club. I repeat, everyone is entitled to their own opinion otherwise , what a boring world it would be, in which to live.

Good for you in backing up your comment. I would think 52/48 on here think so too.
 

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Discussion Starter #272
I agree everyone is entitled to their opinion but we exclude certain things (but so far not in this case) to avoid balloons and lances at dawn. On a forum such as this it is all too easy for someone to take exception and get their knicker in a twist. :smile:
 

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People in certain iffy professions have made-up names. So here are a few from me, all based on a pet’s name first and the road I lived or stayed in at the time secondly. I will appear in drag as Cat Lockwood, Fiddle Avalon, Bebe Lent-Rise and Bubble Colenorton.
 

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Hammy Burns, Sue Eastend, Sally Gough, Bonnie Hinton, Bella Greville and Holly Peacock!
 

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Snowman to Hoody, Snowman to Hoody come in.
Hoody here, whats occurin' come back.
I think we are going to get some Christmas messages with possible religious or political content. I can feel it in m' water. Over.
Agreed I can feel it too. We should keep on our toes. I'm thinking of part ex ing the old banger but she's done a few miles. What do you think I'll get for her? Over.
You might get a few bob for scrap. Have you considered getting it clocked. Over.
That's a good idea. over and out.
..A bit later..
Snowman to Hoody, Snowman to Hoody come in.
It's all quiet down here, by the way we should change our call signs to Red leader and blue leader.
I thought of it first so I'm Blue leader. Over.
Snowman here, get stuffed, I don't want to be Red leader, we should stay as we are. Did you do the

Pea ex after all? Over.
No way man I'm keeping her. Whoever gets rid of a motor with only 7K on the clock. Over and out.
Happy Christmas
 

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Snowman to Hoody, Snowman to Hoody come in.
Hoody here, whats occurin' come back.
I think we are going to get some Christmas messages with possible religious or political content. I can feel it in m' water. Over.
Agreed I can feel it too. We should keep on our toes. I'm thinking of part ex ing the old banger but she's done a few miles. What do you think I'll get for her? Over.
You might get a few bob for scrap. Have you considered getting it clocked. Over.
That's a good idea. over and out.
..A bit later..
Snowman to Hoody, Snowman to Hoody come in.
It's all quiet down here, by the way we should change our call signs to Red leader and blue leader.
I thought of it first so I'm Blue leader. Over.
Snowman here, get stuffed, I don't want to be Red leader, we should stay as we are. Did you do the

Pea ex after all? Over.
No way man I'm keeping her. Whoever gets rid of a motor with only 7K on the clock. Over and out.
Happy Christmas
You say that when I'm teaching radio comms I will threaten to stick the mike where the sun doesn't shine!!
There are only 2 allowable responses at the final end of a radio message:
"Worcester 1 Out"
"Worcester 1 standing by"
 

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HOORAY!! I'm not alone!
One thing that really gets up my nose as a (long time passed) Qualified 'Jimmy' Signaller is "OVER & OUT". Just as bad as Bren & Sten guns that fire 100s of rounds without reloading, in films etc.
Over & out is not logical. If 'over' you are waiting for the other party to speak, you can't invite them to speak and then disconnect.
This error may have been brought about by the 'Roger Bleep' built into many modern radio mikes.
Pedants rule!
OUT!
 

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Is this topic now over?
 

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I’m currently on my best behaviour so I won’t comment about roger. Reminds me though of a work colleague leaving a message saying he’d popped out for 10 minutes to Roger the butcher, but as that was his name I didn’t understand the laughter going around the office.
 
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