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Discussion Starter #301
I wonder of he uses a vacuum cleaner or if he is kind to dust mites, wonder what he would do if his kids got headlice from school :devil:

If Bexhilllian's selection of vegetables include parsnips, always happy to assist. Mmmm could be a Toby Carvery tonight :devil:

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I visited my psychiatrist the other day because I was worried that I couldn't remember important information, but I could recall huge amounts of trivial facts. Turned out I am banal retentive.
 

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So after a heavy drinking session in Bob's corner, I thought I'd give Mrs J a surprise gift. I went onto e-Bay and ordered a Tesla car to be delivered to our house as the sun rose. Must have mis-typed owing to my befuddled state and this is what we were woken by this morning.
 

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Apple has joined with Tesla to produce a new model but they are having a problem installing windows.
 

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Truly Amazing! Absolutely love it. Thanks for linking that up Jimmy.

Loved the bit where he threw the banana skin into the zone. Well, you wouldn’t want to carry it in, would you?
 

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Just popping in to Bob’s Corner to test a few words in the context of the new forum platform. Find out which are ****’d out by the profanity checker......
Dam. What the Dambusters bombed in 1943.
****. Frankly my dear, I don’t give a ....
****. S h 1 t when spelled correctly.
Bugger. English word for anal rape.
****. Hot place where the devil lives
Arse. The east end of a west-bound camel.
Ass. The donkey’s cousin.
Fanny. The body area English call “bum”, in American.
Prick. What you feel when someone sticks a needle in your finger at the blood donating session and you go “Ouch”.

Those are a few I can remember were objected by the old platform. Or should have been in some cases?
Edit: so the B-word gets through unscathed but d a m n doesn’t.
Must be taking its rules from the old system?
 

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You might have to go into Account Setting, then Preferences and tick the box for 'Show sensitive and/or mature content.' ?
Just tried that. Words still showing “****” above.
Perhaps I need to logout then log back in before the new Preference settings take effect?
 

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The three stuttering Irishmen..
A very attractive young female speech pathologist was presented with three young Irishmen, all of whom stuttered. She spent many long hours working with them both individually and as a group. She tried everything in the book. Finally, totally perplexed by their lack of progress she called them all together one day.
"Paddy, Mick, Sean. I am at my wits end. I am willing to make you this bargain. If any of you, ANY of you can say the name of the town where he was born without stuttering then I will make love to you immediately. OK?"
She was greeted with three wide smiles and three heads nodding furiously.
"Paddy?"
"Tip-tip-t-t-t-t-iperary, ****!"
"Sorry Paddy. Mick?"
"Dub-dub-dub-dublin, ****!"
"Nice try Mick. Come on Sean your go."
"London"
A look of astonishment came over her face. She had made the bargain not expecting any of them to be able to say one word without stuttering.
"OK Sean. Off we go. We will be back soon guys. Take a seat"
After a while the two return from their love-making.
"Well Sean? You were very quiet in there. Do you have anything to say at all?"
"d-d-d-derry"
 

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A good friend of mine owns 8 cars, stored in his shed.
He’s just been medically diagnosed with carownervirus.
:D :rolleyes:
 

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For anyone having problems with autoboxes.
 

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On the final day before leaving Mr R instructed us to rub-down the rust spots on his old car and make good the paintwork using paint that was in his boot. Being good pupils we did as we were told except that when we opened the boot we found a can of black paint and a can of white paint (the car was black). We used the white paint....revenge was sweet! We went home before he left so never saw his face. Miss W had a 3-wheel 'bubble car'. On that last day, the boys lifted it manually and deposited it in the 'bottom playground'' and then left for home. I often wonder how she retrieved it.
I hope that the above is covered by the Statute of Limitations and that I won't now get arrested for these misdemeanors.
 

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Discussion Starter #313
I wonder if you attended a school that I went to in Isleworth. There was a french teacher called Spillman, everyone called him weasel. He drove a mini, the sixth formers carried it onto the sports field and removed the wheels.
 

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When I was a college student, the primary hall of residence had a rectangular ornamental pond outside. Complete with gold fish, lilies, etc. Surrounded by paving. With a series of single paving stone “islands” across the middle, rather in the manner of stepping stones, but slightly too far apart for even the longest legged to comfortably step between. One of the 3rd year students who was a bit of a pompous “knob head” in popular terminology, also had a Reliant Robin 3-wheel van. Some while before Only Fools and Horses made the latter quite famous. On the morning after the last night of one term, the Reliant was to be seen, with its front wheel parked neatly on one of the islands. It’s rear wheels just nestled on the paving stone bank. Of course no-one knew how it got there. Neither did anyone volunteer to help him extricate it from its predicament. (He eventually achieved it himself with a pile of bricks, built between the island and the bank. 2 days later.)

The Hall had a ground floor common room with double doors to the exterior patio area. Normally only open in warmer weather. “Someone” had measured up that a Mini would just fit through them. So another morning, a different student woke up to find his mini in the centre of the common room, with all the regular furniture carefully arranged all around it. Common room exterior doors locked and bolted. Perplexing.

On that occasion it took the uni’s maintenance team just 24hrs to work out that the Mini WOULD fit through the Hall doors, but only if you completely unbolted both doors from their frames first. With less than 0.5cm clearance each side. :)

Don’t ask how or why I know so much of the detail of these pranks. :rolleyes: :) ;)
We’re talking 1975 here.
 

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The year before went to boarding school the term ended at midnight and the boys were free to do what they liked, before leaving for home or being collected the following day.
Some wags had a great time that night asthe story goes ......They painted the the 3 blue balls hanging outside the pub of that name in the hugh street.......Red!

Then they moved to the school chaplains house whose garden ran down to the the main Line GWR near a bridge with a 'WHISTLE' sign nearby, He was always complaining of being woken in the middle of the night by the 'Cornishman' night express went past heading for Penzance...... So they uprooted the sign and planted it in his garden.
But the best was......... Down to Sparkford (near Yeovilton) where the A303 went round a bend, with double white lines on which was the entrance to the 1/4 mile long drive up to the Junior school attached to my school. They decided it would be a 'jolly jape' to black out the whit lines with black paint and paint the white lines into the junior school drive. There were some very puzzled motorists next morning.
One should bear in mind that this was 1959 so minimal traffic, even on e the 303 in those days.
My personal clam to fame was, as a member of the signals platoon in the army cadets, I was allowed to use the military strength transceiver. Those that remember Radio Luxembourg, may also remember a chap called Horace Bachelor
who devised a way of winning the footy pools and advertised ad nauseam on R Lux. he really P'd us off with his constant annoying ad. (Radio L was the default radio station at school)
I decided I would transmit over R Lux 208 medium wave.
I gave him what for for a few weekends until one day I saw a police car parked outside the 'Beaks' (Headmaster's) study. a 3rd former was going to see the Beak so I told him to eavesdrop. He reported back to me that the plod had said there had been multiple complaints regarding the pirating of the pirate R Lux and since the school was known to be the only place in the area with a transmitter strong enough to do it, would the Beak please ensure it stopped!
I think the Beak was quite impressed with the enterprise of the miscreant (me) as next morning at School assembly. He told us of the problem and demanded, with a smile on his face, that the practise was to cease. However he never asked for the perpetrator to report to his study.
Needless to say, Horace Bachelor had a free run after that!;):D
 

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The Infradraw Method

K - E - Y - N - S - H - A - M

(Just to bring shivers to Colin's spine. If you don't understand, never mind he will.)
 

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AAAAAARRRRGGGHHH!
3300
 

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That's amazing. Must have a bout 5 tons of snow on the blade in the deep stuff I presume it has sand bunkers dropping on the line, otherwise I can't see how they would stop the driving wheels slipping.
Old puffing billy is certainly working hard!
 

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At my school in Hertford the upper sixth form in about 1972 managed to get a mini into the school hall up steps outside and through two sets of door which were not opposite each other, but just had enough space to slide the car sideways to line up with the second doors. The teacher was not amused as it took some effort to get it out again. From memory it only fitted with the wing mirrors folded in. The whole sixth form had a detention as a result including the head boy!
 
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